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mercoledì 28 agosto 2019

Be a slave - Essere Slave

Il perno fondamentale dell’essere slave, o schiavoa/a è l’appartenenza, si appartiene ad un Padrona/e quando si prova soddisfazione nell’eseguire gli ordini di colui o colei a cui si affida la propria fisicità, il proprio libero arbitrio. 

Recentemente una ragazza, quando le proposi di diventare la mia schiava mi rispose con voce squillante dall’emozione: “E’ bello appartenere”.

Si sentiva anche solo dal tono come desiderasse abbandonarsi pienamente e lasciarsi guidare.
Leggendolo si potrebbe pensare a qualcosa di innaturale, la scelta “malata”, a ben vedere si rinuncia a parte della propria libertà a favore di una persona.

Eppure accade spesso, nella religione, nella politica, in un leader carismatico, ci affidiamo a grandezze superiori o persone nella speranza che sappiano portarci oltre noi stessi.
Si chiama religione, si chiama militanza, si chiama sottomissione, però tutti generano il senso di appartenenza, di essere parte di qualcosa di più grande.

Per compiere una scelta così grande bisogna fidarsi dell’altra persona, come se fosse un impulso che parte da dentro, più emotivo che logico; per fidarsi bisogna conoscersi, per conoscersi bisogna parlarsi e frequentarsi. 

Consiglio a tutti coloro che leggeranno quanto scrivo di non iniziare mai un possibile rapporto lanciandosi sulle tecniche, sulla parte pratica, fate vedere cosa siete dietro al desiderio che unisce la voglia di incontrarsi, dovete perderci tempo, costruire giorno per giorno, perché è un tipo di rapporto unico.
Sono una donna solare, amo ridere, eppure divento inflessibile ed esigente. Mi mostro come sono, non mi nascondo dietro la maschera dell'algida Mistress, non sono così, è deleterio fingere.

Quando si gioca si deve sentire dentro la voglia che cresce, il desiderio di continuare il gioco, la volontà di superare i limiti… Non la rabbia di dover subire, sia pur per amore, umiliazioni e dolore .

lunedì 26 agosto 2019

Chain chain chain - Every chain, has got a weak link I might be weak yeah But I'll give you strength...

What Is BDSM? A Sex Expert Reveals Exactly What It Means

When most of us hear the letters "BDSM," we think of Rihanna singing about whips and chains or Fifty Shades' Christian Grey saying "Laters, baby," right? And while it's no secret that the BDSM community is, er, not all that fond of the Fifty Shades franchise, there's no denying that the series has put the kink in the spotlight. But what is BDSM, really? I chatted with sex educator, instructor, and coach Lola Jean to find out.

"BDSM is broken into three subcategories: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism," Jean explains. "This is the overall umbrella where most kinks fall. It can contain all elements or only one, BDSM holds no judgment."

Now, if associating words like "submission," "sadism," and "masochism" with sex is new to you, I totally get it. To many — especially those of us whose knowledge of BDSM stems purely from films like Fifty Shades — the practice sounds like a warped power dynamic or even abuse. But it is possible to combine sex, power, and even pain in a healthy fashion, Jean says, as long as two adults are communicative and have explicitly given their consent.

When asked how she felt Fifty Shades portrayed this kind of relationship, Jean held no punches. "To be honest, I’ve stopped paying attention to Fifty Shades," she says. "It’s so horrendous and makes me angry. From what I can tell, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of communication between the partners or proper aftercare."

"Aftercare" refers to the time and attention two partners spend together after an intense sexual experience, built around discussing how you both felt about what just took place and ensuring each partner feels appreciated and cared for. It differs from couple to couple based on your own wants and needs (for some, it might include cuddling; for others, a conversation about exactly what was going through your mind during sex), but aftercare is a way to touch base and ensure you both feel safe and comfortable. And no, it's not something that Fifty Shades seems to portray at all.

Even beyond this franchise, BDSM is largely misrepresented in the entertainment industry — and, consequently, largely misunderstood. Below, Jean dispels three major myths and offers suggestions for beginners looking to ease their way into a BDSM relationship.

1. BDSM isn't code for physical violence.
"When people hear BDSM, they tend to associate it with 'being mean,' aggressive behavior, and general sadism," says Jean. "BDSM can, in fact, be sweet, fulfilling, and creative. What gets lost is the understanding, effort, and responsibility that comes with being a Dominant, or the simultaneous control and vulnerability that comes with being a submissive."

In a healthy BDSM relationship, both partners aim to please the other. The submissive sets boundaries and has ultimate control over what happens in the relationship. Further, as Jean notes, there's a huge difference between sadism/masochism and uninvited physical abuse. To use her words, "Physical abuse is impact that is unwanted and nonconsensual, not just painful."

It's important to remember that BDSM isn't just about tying a person up and calling it a day — the relationship is built on fulfilling your partner's needs, providing them pleasure, and constantly communicating to ensure you're doing both well. It's yet another reason why aftercare is so critical — not only because it's imperative that both partners feel safe and cared for, but because both must have a deep understanding of the other's boundaries, comfort levels, and sexual interests.

2. Dominance is not about barking orders.From those on the outside looking in, Doms appear to be calling the shots, regardless of what the submissive does or does not want to be doing. But BDSM relationships rarely start at this point, and the submissive is never truly out of control.

"Many people assume that a Dominant makes demands and orders at all times," says Jean. "Yes, this may happen once the relationship has been established and there is understanding within the dynamic. [But] there is a large element of trust that needs to be built within a relationship with a power dynamic. Even when 'forced' to do something, it should be on the submissive's own free will. There should always be an out, exit, or safe words available."

BDSM is all about placing your trust in another person. Submissives often take on that role for the sake of surrendering control, of giving themselves largely to another person. That said, in a healthy relationship, they will be the ones who ultimately decide when to start and stop. The relationship doesn't work unless the submissive truly has control and agency.

3. It's not an "all or nothing" situation.
Arguably, the greatest challenge the BDSM community has faced is their own misrepresentation in films and television. We see "BDSM" as whips, chains, and uncomfortable leather ensembles — no more, and certainly no less. In actuality, there are plenty of ways that couples can (and, if interested, should) ease into a BDSM dynamic.

"I highly recommend incorporating it into dirty talk or sexting prior to doing anything in a sexual setting," says Jean. "You may not know how you will react to a certain scenario or phrase in the heat of the moment. Better not to leave it to chance and use this time to test the waters [and] figure out your likes and dislikes. Doesn’t hurt that it can provide for some good spank bank material, either."

It's also important to note that BDSM is about pushing your limits — not exceeding them. As in all forms of sexual activity, if you're unsure or uncomfortable with something, say no or ask to stop.

"[Ask yourself questions like] What are the goals of each of you in this BDSM relationship. Is it 24/7? Is it habitual? Are you both aware and respecting of your boundaries and intentions? Have you communicated your needs before and after play or scenes?" advises Jean. "There are many things to think about before you dive head first into a power dynamic relationship. The control — or lack of control — can be intoxicating, though it comes with much responsibility."

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mercoledì 21 agosto 2019

Pain Is Pleasure: Why It Feels So Good


La sensazione che molte donne provano nell'indossare ed usare uno strapon su un uomo è quello di un potere esercitato sull'uomo (sottomesso).
Momento molto intenso è quello dove la donna lentamente indossa lo strapon facendosi per es. aiutare dallo schiavo. 
E’ un “mutare sesso” assumendo quello che tradizionalmente è il sesso dominante ossia quello maschile.
Come per ogni tipo di sodomizzazione di un uomo da parte della donna, si pone per molti uomini una ambivalente visione: dire di sì ed essere contenti di questo gioco che va a stimolare zone molto erogene oppure farsi venire mille scrupoli su cosa potrà pensare la donna e se quell’atto si possa configurare come atto omosessuale.
Nella coppia l’uso dello strapon è qualcosa di SM che concretizza un gioco prettamente di Dominazione/sottomissione ed è fatto indipendentemente dal gradimento dell’uomo. 

Spesso con l’orgasmo femminile raggiunto tramite il pene interno e/o con lo sfregamento del sesso sulla mutandina di cuoio e con la negazione di quello maschile per una eccitazione portata ai massimi livelli per poi negare l’ultimo atto.
Oppure l’uso dello strapon può rientrare nelle fantasie dell’uomo di vedersi penetrato dalla donna.
Queste fantasie maschili sono molto comuni seppure non sempre confessate alla propria donna. Ma sovente confessate alle prodomme. Esse sono molto concordi nel dire che buona parte degli uomini che vanno da loro richiedono questo gioco.
Un altro piccolissimo uso c’è in ambito etero con lo strapon indossato dall’uomo che non sia in grado di avere erezione. 

In questo caso per una penetrazione anale o vaginale.
Come per i dildi normali, lo strapon si usa con un preservativo.

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lunedì 19 agosto 2019

“Power is the greatest aphrodisiac,” giving oneself over to a dominant person represents becoming consumed by the power, which in turn creates sexual arousal.

Dominant Submissive Relationships In The Bedroom: Why BDSM Couples Like Having Rough Sex

Many couples will admit sex can become predictable over the course of a relationship. We all know the routine: we go to the bedroom, turn off the lights, and have sex (almost) always in the missionary position until we're done. Although there's nothing wrong with “vanilla” sex, some couples choose to spice things up in the bedroom a la Fifty Shades of Grey.

The novel and namesake movie sparked our curiosity surrounding the taboo 6-for-4 deal acronym: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism, also known as BDSM, or S&M. Some couples receive pleasure from the physical or psychological pain and suffering of biting, grabbing, spanking, or hair pulling. This type of consensual forceful play is a thrill many of us desire, and the reasons are natural.
Heather Claus, owner of, who has been in the BDSM scene for about 24 years, believes people who seek out kink of any kind tend to be looking for something “more.”

“More creative, more passionate, more sexy, more intimate than what they’ve found so far in traditional or ‘vanilla’ relationships,” she told Medical Daily.

Yet, BDSM critics believe it’s an unhealthy, unnatural behavior sought by those who are troubled, or with compromised mental health.

So, does our urge for naughty, uninhibited sex reflect an underlying psychological disorder, or is it just a part of a healthy sexual lifestyle?

1.Shades Of Grey: DSM-5
In Fifty Shades, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele have a budding “romance” that revolves around partially consensual BDSM where Grey inflicts pain or dominance over his partner. Grey admits to being neglected by his mother who was a drug addict and controlled by a pimp, who would beat and abuse him. It has long been believed those in BDSM relationships often show signs of the mental disorder sexual sadism.

Currently, in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition(DSM-5), used by mental health professionals, individuals are diagnosed with "sexual sadism" if they experience sexual excitement from the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim. They must meet the following criteria:

1) “Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the victim is sexually exciting to the person.”

2) “The person has acted on these sexual urges with a nonconsenting person, or the sexual urges or fantasies cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.”

BDSM Sadist Vs. Diagnosed Sadist

There are two clear distinctions between a BDSM sadist and a sadist according to the manual. In BDSM, a sadist revels in the consensual pain that is desired by the bottom, or receiver. They enjoy the fact that the bottom enjoys the pain. However, a diagnosed sadist enjoys when they hurt another truly and deeply without consent.

“In a BDSM ‘scene,’ pain creates a connection and depth, an intimacy if you will,” said Claus. The key here is consent.

Someone who identifies as a kinky sadist is often looking for this, or even more than just the pain experience.

Fifty Shades has received a lot of criticism because it’s not an accurate portrayal of BDSM. Patrick Wanis, a human behavior and relationship expert, believes there are many misconceptions about the practice due to how it’s shown in the movie. For example, in Grey and Steele’s day-to-day relationship, she’s afraid of him. He takes her old Volkswagen and sells it without her consent, and then hands her the keys to a new, luxurious car.

Wanis stresses Grey made the choice for her, without considering whether she had an opinion, or whether that opinion means anything or not.

“Fifty Shades of Grey opened conversations around rough sex, kinky sex, and BDSM, although it’s not an example of BDSM, it’s rather an example of psychological abuse, as well as physical, verbal, and maybe even sexual abuse,” Wanis told Medical Daily.

50 Shades promotes abuse and rape of women - Patrick Wanis PhD

A healthy, functional BDSM relationship thrives on communication.

“When we are practicing things that have the potential to harm—and I'm using the word harm to mean lasting damage versus hurt to mean current pain—communication and consent are critical,” Claus said.

Moreover, those who practice BDSM may be just as mentally healthy as non-practitioners. Many other factors determine one’s mental health besides sexuality.

A 2008 study published in the Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality found BDSM is not a pathological symptom, but rather, a wide range of normal human erotic interests. Researchers administered a questionnaire and 7 psychometric tests to 32 participants who self-identified as BDSM practitioners. The findings revealed the group was generally mentally healthy, and just a select few experienced early abuse, while only two participants met the criteria for pathological narcissism, hinting no borderline pathology. No evidence was found that clinical disorders, including depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsion, are more prevalent in the BDSM community.

2.Initial Attraction To BDSM
BDSM is not as unconventional as we’d like to think. According to Wanis, a majority of the population has fantasies about dominance and submission. Many women have fantasies about submission, while many men have fantasies about dominance.

“We all have a fantasy that involves some form of rough sex, because one of us wants to dominate, and one of us wants to submit,” said Wanis.

However, fantasy is not to be confused with reality. Some things look pleasurable in our minds, but wouldn’t turn out well in reality. Our initial attraction to BDSM can originate in two ways; either as an intrinsic part of the self, or via external influences, according to a 2011 study in Psychology & Sexuality.

The researchers noted there were few differences in gender or BDSM role when it came to someone’s initial interest. The only gender differences found were among submissive participants: a greater proportion of men than women cited their interest came from their “intrinsic self,” whereas a greater proportion of women than men cited “external influences.”

In other words, men were more likely to cite their BDSM interest as coming from inside of themselves compared to women. They were naturally, inherently driven to seek out this type of sexual behavior, whereas women were more influenced by external forces, like a friend or a lover.

Although we know what can trigger our curiosity, why do some of us enjoy it more?

3.Dominant And Submissive Relationship
BDSM involves a wide range of practices that include role-playing games where one partner assumes the dominant role ("dom"), and the other partner assumes a submissive role ("sub"). The dom controls the action, while the sub gives up control, but does set limits on what the dom can do.

“Dominants and submissives come from all walks of life,” Claus said.

For example, in Fifty Shades, Grey is a high-powered leader of a company, which may seem obvious for a dominant man. However, a man or woman who might be in charge in their professional life may want to give up that power in the bedroom.

“Power is the greatest aphrodisiac,” Wanis said. “… giving oneself over to a dominant person represents becoming consumed by the power, which in turn creates sexual arousal.”

A popular misconception is if you’re submissive in the bedroom, you’re weak and have low self-esteem. A partner who chooses to submit to a lover in a consensual, healthy relationship shows a lot of power.

Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist, has found many submissives are actually quite powerful people who manage great responsibilities in their professional and personal lives.

“Being submissive in bed allows them an opportunity to play an alternative role and alleviates some of the regular pressure associated with their everyday lives,” she told Medical Daily.
Top, Bottom, And Switching

It's often mistaken doms are always on top, and submissive are on bottom. A person can simultaneously adopt the role of bottom and dom, known as topping from the bottom. Meanwhile, a bottom can be a submissive partner; someone who receives stimulation, but is not submissive; and someone who enjoys submission on a temporary basis.

Couples tend to have a preferred role they mostly play, but some enjoy alternating roles, known as "switches."

A 2013 study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine asked BDSM aficionados to complete a survey about their sex habits through a website devoted to personal secrets. In the sample, men were primarily tops as 48 percent identified as dominant and 33 percent as submissive. Women were primarily bottoms with 76 percent as submissive, and 8 percent as dominant.

The Submissive Feminist

Now, some critics of BDSM will argue women who want to be submissive in the bedroom are promoting female oppression. These submissive women may be gaining control because they are choosing what they want to do sexually. This includes being bossed around, ordered to perform sex acts, or being spanked, restrained, or verbally talked down to.

Claus asserts, “Feminism is first and foremost about equal rights to choose. So, BDSM, being 100 percent consensual, is a feminist’s paradise.”

Dominant and submissive relationships are not limited to gender; there are men who want to be dominated, and women who want to dominate. This implies our sexual desires don’t always coincide with our personal and political identity. In BDSM, we’re playing a role where a kinky scene can serve as a form of escapism.

“You can have a highly egalitarian relationship and still engage in kinky sex in the presence of ongoing informed consent,” said O’Reilly.

4.BDSM: All About Communication
BDSM is still viewed as an unconventional sensual, erotic, and sexual behavior, yet couples who practice this tend to develop a better sense of self. These couples are more likely to communicate their likes and dislikes with their partner. In the previously mentioned 2013 study, Dutch researchers found BDSM lovers were more extraverted, more open to experience, more conscientious, less neurotic, less sensitive to rejection, more securely attached, and higher in subjective well-being. Specifically, all three BDSM subsets, including dominants, submissives, and switches, outscored controls on “subjective well-being”; the difference was significant for dominants.

So, what’s the connection between BDSM and healthy relationships?

It’s a combination of self-awareness and communication. BDSM helps couples recognize their sexual identity and desire. Communication is a standard in BDSM activities because couples must be able to negotiate boundaries and safe practices. According to O’Reilly, some couples feel their overall levels of communication improve with kink play.

“These benefits spill into other areas of the relationship (e.g. parenting, division of labour, emotional expression) and serve to deepen their existing bond,” she said.

Communication and consent are critical in BDSM, especially when it comes to pain play.

5.Pain Is Pleasure: Why It Feels So Good
Several couples will admit they get pleasure from experiencing pain, or inflicting (consensual) pain on others. Yet, some of us will yell in pain when we twist our ankle or break a bone, and even a papercut can produce misery. There’s actually a difference between good pain and bad pain.

“Interestingly, our brain processes social rejection in the same place where it processes physical pain. When we experience pain in a sexual act, we’re going to enjoy that pain differently, because we have a different interpretation to it than an accident where we don’t have control,” Wanis said.

When we experience bad pain, this indicates something is not right, and needs immediate attention. However, when we feel good pain during sadomasochism — giving or receiving pleasure from the infliction or reception of pain and humiliation — it is enjoyable. A 2014 study found sadomasochism alters blood flow in the brain, which can lead to an altered state of consciousness similar to a “runner’s high” or yoga. Brain changes were seen in the prefrontal and limbic/paralimbic pain regions when participants either received pain or gave pain.

Here, the pain led the central nervous system to release endorphins, which are proteins that act to block pain, and promote feelings of euphoria.

It seems pain and pleasure have always been intertwined.

There’s one other reason pain may sometimes feel good: The range of interests in BDSM could possibly possess an evolutionary advantage.

6.Evolutionary Advantage: Is BDSM A Reproductive Strategy?
BDSM involves role playing, with aspects like dominance and submission, which can be roughly translated into lower and/or higher-ranking partners. In mammals, high hierarchical status is linked with increased reproductive success, and Czech researchers believe BDSM-induced arousal could be a manifestation of a mating strategy.

In a 2009 study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers found sexual arousal through overemphasized hierarchy, like dominant-slave play, can represent a reproductive strategy. Role play allows someone who has a need to be dominant to feel dominant, and someone who is submissive to be able to reproduce. It joins two people who have varied, but complementary, sexual preferences to reap benefits from each other.

People who engage in BDSM also show adaptability and knowledge of various sexual behaviors. They’re able to relate in socially and sexually unconventional ways that can give them an evolutionary edge. In other words, BDSM can make someone become more open-minded, self-aware, and more expressive in communicating their needs and desires, which is advantageous in any relationship — not just those that are intimate.

7.BDSM: The 'New' Way To Have Sex
BDSM has been a thing for a very, very long time, so it's hardly “new”, but Fifty Shades expanded the conversation around it. The movie inspired people to explore their own sexual preferences, and embrace their naughtiest desires. However, it’s important to note its representation of BDSM is problematic; it is indeed shades of grey.

Couples seem to be enticed by BDSM because it steers away from the conventional, and encourages the exploration of the unknown, or taboo. It’s against society’s norms, and solicits more intrigue.

“We want to break the taboo, and that becomes sexually exciting,” Wanis said.

If we’re willing to hand over our physical, mental, emotional, and psychological safety to our partner — that’s more than just kinky sex, that’s trust. Hopefully, that trust has been earned.

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mercoledì 14 agosto 2019

• ᴘᴇʀ ᴄʜɪ sᴇ ʟɪ ᴍᴇʀɪᴛᴀ... • • • • #dominagoldy #feetworship #feetporn #bdsm #worship

Is it a duty or a pleasure? - È un dovere o un piacere?

You are mine.

You’re mine.
The minute I told you to spread your legs and you did it, you were mine.
When I told you to beg for it and you did, you were mine.
When you put your hands behind your back without being told, I owned you.
You never had to say a word.
You’re a natural submissive.

Pensieri sparsi...

Le affinità sono spontanee... non si costruiscono.

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