Not Safe For Work

Not Safe For Work

mercoledì 14 novembre 2018

How to get your Sub in subspace, a guide for beginners

Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, actually very, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the “high” is all about and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor! (Also known as leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy!)

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into your brain to reduce your sensitivity to pain (thus raising your pain threshold.) The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured ‘loads’ is a key to understanding how to ‘play’ the body to produce these 'loads’ and 'release’ them into the body and brain region when the 'load’ is ready. One has to keep in mind that another chemical – adrenalin – is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section at the end on aftercare – which is a VERY essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort, as you will see.

The endorphin 'loads’ as they are available in the body are released in their entirety, and after a 'load’ is released, it takes the body about ten minutes to generate the chemicals for another one. After the body has been induced to release (or 'inject’) a 'load’ into the system, you must then continue stimulating the body for at least ten minutes in some manner before the body will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling or flogging, light caning, etc. – and it does not have to be intense or even nearly match the intensity of stimulation that had caused the release of the last 'load.’

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five minute span up to a measured 'climax’ will trigger the body to release the freshly prepared 'load’ (based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, “measured” to push them over a new edge.)

So, armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s point of view? This should break it down for you.

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive, and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! There is an endorphin reserve already in place that is awaiting release into one’s body in case of an emergency, and after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, this reserve 'load’ is released, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises and the subject can easily tolerate what earlier may have been pushing their limits, making them jump around and squirm, for instance.

This new, more pain tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet – but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top it’s basically just about treading water for ten minutes and doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to prepare/create their next 'load’ for release. This is a good time for sensation play, or light paddling, flogging or whipping – and since the only requirement is that it remain fairly constant stimulation, it is a chance for the top to relax for a bit, since the stimulation can be very mild and be easy and relaxing to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10–15 seconds or so of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly made, current load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at Level Two – with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit!), but there is a considerable and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, again, ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation to provoke the body into generating the next load as quickly as possible. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack, etc. every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenalin build up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Take it easy, tops, relax, rest that arm and wrist a bit! Then, this relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level, as the bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high already now and they can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being 'in crisis’ and thus triggers the endorphins’ release. Finished off with 10–15 seconds (up to a minute) of a real intense, over the edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit 'woozy’ — exhibiting a “mildly drugged” state. Their eyelids should become heavier seeming, and they will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, with more low moans and groans, and with their inhibitions becoming more relaxed. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation (don’t have to work hard, tops!), followed by a five minute build to a 10–15 second intense climax now that is WELL beyond the previous one, will result in the next endorphin “load” being released to push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there will be a very definite altered state of consciousness in evidence, and the bottom will feel clearly drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenalin they have received so far (from the intense climax just used to push them over this “edge”), so they are still quite communicative and their reaction time is still quick (even hypersensitive – a small whack with a paddle, cane or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body with certain bottoms.) Now, during the ten minute 'treading water’ period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in it’s restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder 'strikes’ will be obvious and even somewhat amplified. This is the tops finest time – they can still relax and obviously not be exerting themselves very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from their bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high, even if the reaction time is increased due to the adrenalin, so harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

After this ten minute “endorphin replenishment” period, now it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as you begin that five minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit pushing you might do with the bottom for this session (if you are stopping at level five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy (in spite of the adrenalin-fueled reaction times) and less able to communicate their safe word – in fact, will now be so compliant that it is very UNLIKELY that they would use it even if they should do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with your bottom! At the other end of the 10–30 second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the ability to take just about anything you could throw at them. They will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness now.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak them in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare … and unless you know your bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those in that category of knowing their bottom’s limits and abilities quite well, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, your 'mild’ stimulation could be fairly intense if you wanted it to be, and the bottom will become extremely submissive – and receptive – and accepting of any amount of stimulation you could lay on them. This is a dangerous condition, because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition – they can barely talk at all! So, it is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too too (Note: the stronger intensity applied now will hold up the adrenalin levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so they’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. More on adrenalin in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10–15 second extreme point, and the next 'load’ will be released. So, now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing Level Six! (But, again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known! The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable, in most cases by this time, so care must be exercised this whole while.)

With all the adrenalin now in the body – as well as the complete release of inhibitions from the heavy dosing of endorphins now in their brain – behavior of the bottom can become unpredictable at this point, and you should be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing that could take place (at least be out of harm’s way!) The person/bottom is going to be in such an intensely altered state of consciousness now that their reactions could possibly be of an extremely primitive nature, and they may be capable of only 'animal-like’ noises and reactions, and no or very little recognizable speech. So, watch out! Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal – very gently, talking soothingly and gesturing in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden wild jerking, or seeming attempts to 'get away.’ And don’t take it personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, they are enjoying every millisecond of this experience! And a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for them – if their aftercare is handled properly!

So, why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenalin into their system, and adrenalin is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important now because of they way adrenalin burns off – it burns off very quickly – compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenalin in the body that it will take 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (even up to half an hour!), and during this time, the bottom very likely will experience a number of adrenalin 'crashes’ (similar in a way to coffee jags), and some of these can be very intense — and even quite frightening! They will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenalin burn-off. My feeling is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to enjoy cuddling and caressing with them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenalin levels! (Or even perhaps to a Level Four!)

#bdsm #bdsmlife #painandpleasure #sadism #masochism #sadist #masochist #painfulpleasure #sexualsadism #bdsmlifestyle #domination #dominagoldy #bdsmcommunity #bdsmlife #submission

lunedì 12 novembre 2018

Chastity is for all...


Aftercare refers specifically to the attention given to a partner (usually the bottom) at the end of a Scene. Aftercare often includes the Top utilizing various pampering techniques on the Bottom in an effort to provide comfort to everyone after having an intense experience that can leave an individual, top or bottom, in a vulnerable state, but this is not always the case.

Prior to a scene, different people will have different requirements to express during negotiations for aftercare. The amount and type of aftercare required will also likely vary with frequency of play, closeness of play partners, types of scenes, relationship dynamics, fantasy elements at play, intensity of the scene and the overall head space and physical well being of the bottom before, during and after the scene. Be sure to set any boundaries or requirements of aftercare on both sides as part of negotiations.

Contents [hide]
1 Benefits of Aftercare
2 Best Practices: Standard Aftercare
2.1 Aftercare for the Top
2.2 Babysitters
2.3 After-Aftercare
3 Criticisms
4 Shop

Benefits of Aftercare
Aftercare is used primarily to not only ensure the partner feels safe and secure, but can also be a wonderful exercise for the aftercare provider as well, further, the nurturing and bonding that occurs helps to reduce the effects of or even eliminate Drop entirely for many individuals. For some, a lack of aftercare can be detrimental not only psychologically, but also physically.

Best Practices: Standard Aftercare
After care will vary, sometimes drastically, between individuals and thus there is no one correct method of aftercare, nor necessarily an incorrect method either, however what is presented is a great template to use for a typical first time partner for a typical SM scene.

  • Negotiate Aftercare before the scene starts. Discuss what the needs of both parties are and come to mutual agreement.
  • Perform the Scene.
  • At the end of the scene, the top will ensure they enter a nurturing state of mind to care for the bottom. The bottom will ensure that if they happen to be mentally alert that they will take on a caring and appreciative frame of mind.
  • The top will disinfect and dress any wounds the bottom may have and remove restrictive bondage, debris, and harmful materials from the bottom. When removing a blindfold from a bottom consider doing this slowly and with warning, or perhaps leaving it on for the time being so as not to shock the bottom with assaulting bright lights.
  • The bottom will be safely guided/moved to a comfortable and warm location such as a nearby couch (not a cold cement floor).
  • The top will then place blankets upon the bottom as the body temperature will soon drop. If the bottom is very warm at that moment, consider using a breathable blanket for now, such as something crocheted and then adding more warmth as their body temperature begins to decline.
  • The top will have clean water nearby. Consider having this able to be drank with a straw as the motor skills of the bottom may be impaired if the scene was particularly intense and using a straw may prevent spilling of fluids. The top will not force the water on the bottom but instead offer "Would you like a drink of water?" and present the water, allowing that the bottom may drink when they are ready.
  • The top will provide subtle and soft positive verbal reinforcement to help guide the bottom into a feeling of peace and serenity.
  • The top will provide occasional touch to skin that was not used during the scene on the head, limbs and back of the bottom, tracing the fingers lightly along the skin as gentle as one might touch their own face with only enough force to feel it. These areas of skin may be considered hyper sensitive and touch should be intermittent and not used to torture but instead to relax.
  • The top will offer chocolate to the bottom (providing they not have a medical condition that forbids it) to help increase blood sugar as well as release Oxytocin.
  • The top will continue providing continued yet intermittent positive reinforcement and nurturing touch. The top will stay with the bottom until they are relatively awake, alert, able to care for themselves and in a good head space. The top will not leave the bottom alone to feel abandoned or to fall accidentally.
  • Both will ensure the other is in a positive frame of mind before leaving the other.
Aftercare for the Top
Tops may experience a level of drop as well as bottoms, though it is less common. Ultimately the top is still required to care for the bottom during aftercare and thus it is unwise that a top should not play harder than what would allow them to acceptably care for the bottom's condition. If this is a known disturbance to play/aftercare then a third party to provide aftercare should be arranged for.

Principles of aftercare are largely similar for tops as they are to bottoms as described above, though some principles may not apply or need to be creatively adapted. As with bottoms, specific desires and requirements will vary drastically between individuals. See also Dom Burnout.

Sometimes for one reason or another a top may not be able to commit large amounts of time to aftercare and a bottom may crave extensive time for this, sometimes even up to several hours of aftercare after an intense scene. Best Practices indicate it is important that a top generally spend the first five to fifteen minutes or so doing some form of aftercare in these circumstances so that an immediate feeling of abandonment does not set in, and that they have prenegotiated use of a babysitter before the scene. The babysitter will be an agreed upon person trusted by both parties to provide additional aftercare for the bottom once the top is required to leave.

Both Sub drop and Top drop are very real conditions that can result from an intense scene sometimes between one to three days from the scene itself. Sub drop, however, is far more common in practice.
Responsible aftercare doesn't just end shortly after the scene, but extends over that period of 1-3 days.
To ensure the safety of everyone, the two will agree to a form of outreach as part of aftercare for the scene and during that outreach, report honorably and with integrity any abnormal deviations, bad moods/attitudes, feelings about the scene, misgivings about the scene, and anything else that might be relevant. This also helps with enhancing communication and trust between the two parties and avoid the pitfalls of poor communication or lack of communication after a scene that can lead to toxic gossip and character assassination.

In the case a negative mood swing occurs and is reported, one will call or meet with the other casually to provide support and counsel as they are able, or help them find someone who can in the instance that they are unable.

Many do not wish to embrace typical aftercare methods. Some would prefer time alone, while others would prefer not be touched at all, and others would like some form of Humiliation or Degradation as aftercare to constitute part of their fantasy. There is no one right way to participate in aftercare, but it is important to negotiate aftercare well before a scene occurs to create mutually beneficial and consensual agreement about how aftercare is to take place.

venerdì 9 novembre 2018

#collar #restraint #restraints #cuffs #cuffed #leathercuffs #leathercollar #leather #bdsmplay #bdsmlife #bdsm #bdsmlove #plug #bdsmlifestyle #mistress #submission #plugs #collared #bdsm #sadomaso #dominagoldy #domina

Kink lifestyle – alcune riflessioni personali

Sono arrivata ad alcune conclusioni:
  • Il BDSM, come manifestazione della mia sessualità, è importante, ma deve rimanere un ambito circoscritto della mia vita. Mi fa stare bene, mi permette di conoscere persone simili a me, ma non voglio che assorba tutto il mio tempo e tutte le mie energie. Il tempo e le energie sono risorse limitate e bisogna saperle dosare tra il gioco e la realtà. 
  • A volte ho l’impressione che qualcuno tema di non essere più se stesso se non infila il BDSM dappertutto. Io credo di essere BDSM sempre, cioè che quello che viene fuori in contesti bdsm sia solo il riflesso di ciò che sono come persona. Ecco perché spesso mi rompo di essere un dominante e sto alla larga da eventi e amici di quell'ambito, proprio perché non sento il continuo bisogno di (ri)affermare la mia identità. So benissimo chi sono a prescindere da ciò che faccio.
  • Domina Goldy è un personaggio di finzione, una rappresentazione di certi aspetti di me, ma che non mi rappresenta nella mia interezza.
  • La comunità kink in senso lato, ammesso che esista, adotta di principio norme di comportamento diverse da quelle imposte dalla società. Questo comporta innegabili vantaggi, come il superamento dei ruoli di genere, binarismo, discriminazione in base all'orientamento, accettazione di configurazioni relazionali e familiari alternative… Ciò rappresenta però anche un grosso svantaggio perché deregolamentare le interazioni sociali conduce molti individui a comportanti scorretti, superficiali e talvolta prevaricanti (io dico non normali). E se non ci sono parametri di riferimento, da queste azioni è anche difficile difendersi.
  • Delle tante persone che ho conosciuto in questi anni, pochissime posso considerarle amiche. Sono amiche le persone che si sono comportate con me in modo corretto (normale) ed a cui interessa come sto. Per quanto riguarda gli altri, è meglio che mi stiano alla larga.
  • In questo momento ho bisogno di persone e relazioni autentiche e di dedicare le mie energie a qualcosa di concreto.
Per chi leggerà magari sembreranno cose ovvie a cui potevo arrivare prima. Ci sono persone maleducate anche fuori dal mondo kink del resto. Però io di questa riflessione avevo bisogno.

giovedì 8 novembre 2018

Recensione: "UN RIFUGIO IN GABBIA" di Tempeste O' Riley

TITOLO: Un rifugio in gabbia
AUTORE: Tempeste O’Riley
CASA EDITRICE: Dreamspinner Press
USCITA: 25 Luglio 2017
LINK PER L’ACQUISTO: Un rifugio in gabbia

Kaden Thorn, un chirurgo dentale con una vita tranquilla, non crede che troverà l’amore che tanto desidera. Un attacco omofobo gli è costato l’uso delle gambe, confinandolo su una sedia a rotelle. Ha perso la speranza di incontrare un Dom, o anche solo un compagno con preferenze più convenzionali, che lo ami. Quando la sua migliore amica lo costringe a partecipare a una cena, l’ultima cosa che si aspetta è di conoscere un Dom determinato che riesce a vedere al di là della sua carrozzina.
Deacon James è un architetto e un Dom esigente, ma ha passato gli ultimi due anni senza un sottomesso o un compagno. Quando un suo impiegato lo invita a una cena per conoscere la fidanzata, Deacon fiuta una trappola, ma accetta comunque. Si vanta di essere bravo a giudicare le persone, e quando incontra il giovane dentista, vede oltre la sua disabilità e trova un adorabile sottomesso che suscita in lui qualcosa di più di un semplice interesse.
I demoni e le paure che perseguitano Kade costituiscono per Deacon una sfida a usare tutto quello che ha imparato come Dom per guadagnare la sua fiducia e la sua sottomissione. Ma Deacon è determinato e combatterà per avere Kade al suo fianco e ai suoi piedi.

"Gli accarezzò la pelle arrossata, attento a non aggravare il dolore dei segni della bacchetta, ma voleva dargli conforto e affetto. "Non avere mai e poi mai paura di mostrarmi quello che hai nel cuore, Kade. E' la parte più bella di te."
"Ti amo anch'io," sospirò Kade, posandogli la testa sul petto. Si addormentò in fretta e Deacon lo seguì a ruota, felice e soddisfatto come non si sarebbe mai aspettato."

La mia reazione a questo libro è assolutamente “di pancia” e riferita a tutto l’insieme. Detto questo vi dico subito che questo libro mi è piaciuto davvero tanto, a cominciare dalla dedica dell’autore, che riassume quello che vuole essere il suo messaggio:
“Per chi cerca un amante che riesca a vedere al di là di un corpo diverso. Per quelli che hanno cuori che sperano disperatamente di essere amati per ciò che sono, non per ciò che la società gli impone”.
In questo libro, infatti, il BDSM si lega indissolubilmente al desiderio di essere accettati, anche se ci crediamo difettosi. 
Kade lo sa bene cosa vuol dire venire respinti perché non si è funzionalmente perfetti: ha perso l’uso delle gambe dopo aver subito un’aggressione omofoba e, anche se è riuscito a costruirsi una vita a prova di carrozzina, nulla può fare contro il desiderio di avere nuovamente una relazione Dom/sub.
Vorrebbe tornare a essere un sottomesso come lo era prima dell’incidente, anche se delle brutte esperienze lo hanno lasciato senza la speranza di poter trovare un Dominatore che lo veda al di là dei suoi limiti fisici. Questa stessa speranza però si riaccende quando, a casa della sua amica e collega Katie, incontra Deacon, che capisce subito essere un Dominatore.
Deacon è tutto quello che avrebbe voluto prima dell’incidente e mentre lui si fa prendere da mille dubbi, Deacon invece è molto perspicace e sicuro nel sentire una potente alchimia tra loro. I dubbi di Kade sono molti, ha ancora grosse difficoltà a sentirsi una persona “completa”, ma la tenacia di Deacon è innarrestabile, vuole Kade come suo sottomesso e sa che lui desidera ardentemente lo stesso. Deacon riesce, grazie alla sua caparbietà (e ce ne vuole veramente tanta con Kade) a fargli capire che la sua condizione non lo spaventa:

“Ti punirò quando sarà necessario ma ti prometto che non userò mai la tua sedia a rotelle o la tua infermità come arma contro di te. Un Dom non prende la tua sottomissione, è il sottomesso che la offre”.

Grazie alla bravura dell’autore riusciamo bene a comprendere il bisogno di Kade, il desiderio di cedere all’altro il proprio piacere e il proprio dolore, confidando che l’altra persona non ne approfitterà.
È un libro che va letto con la mente ben aperta, abbandonando i pregiudizi e lasciando parlare i personaggi. Ha una componente erotica molto presente che però non risulta mai volgare. Sono presenti anche alcune scene, sempre relative alla pratica BDSM, con altre persone vicine a Kade e Deacon, che però si inseriscono bene nel contesto e non mi sono sembrate eccessive.
Non so se un non amante del BDSM possa apprezzare questo genere di libro, ma personalmente mi è piaciuto molto il genere di rapporto tra Deacon e Kade, non solo un rapporto Dom/sub, ma anche una relazione d’amore e di fiducia.
Ho apprezzato particolarmente Deacon, che riesce a vedere Kade nella sua interezza e a soddisfare i suoi bisogni, cercando al contempo di aggiustare la propria vita alle sue esigenze; l’ho trovato un personaggio molto positivo. Punto bonus per la cover, suggestiva e intrigante quanto basta.
Lo consiglio assolutamente.

#bdsm #bdsmcommunity #bdsmlifestyle #submissive #submissivewoman #bdsmrelationship #dominant #domsubrelationship #passion #slavegirl #bdsmlife #bdsmplay #sub #slave #love #sadism #submission #masochist #slavewoman #slavegirls #sadist #bdsmlove #bound #collared #collaredsub #dominance

martedì 6 novembre 2018

Frusta e Collare

E all'improvviso, tutto quello che credevo di desiderare non importava più, ipnotizzato dal tintinnare dei Suoi tacchi a spillo sul pavimento, fu in quel momento che compresi, che Le appartenevo a tal punto da aver annullato me stesso, abdicando a favore di Lei, e che il mio unico bisogno era essere Suo.

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