Not Safe For Work

Not Safe For Work


lunedì 9 dicembre 2019

There's a Big Benefit to BDSM That Nobody's Talking About

Whips, rope and handcuffs aren't exactly what come to mind when most of us think of a stress-free day. But research indicates that BDSM practice, typically thought to be all about pain, dominance and physical stress, has health advantages beyond sexual satisfaction — including reducing stress.

As The Science of Us recently reported, a 2013 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that BDSM practitioners may have less anxiety and enjoy more security in their relationships than their vanilla counterparts. Researchers surveyed 902 BDSM practitioners and 434 non-participants, and found that those who enjoyed BDSM-related activities had shared certain psychological characteristics, like being "less neurotic, more extraverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious and less rejection-sensitive" than the control (or vanilla) group. In short, BDSM practitioners' sex lives made them a whole lot less stressed.

What's so relaxing? There's evidence that BDSM practices might affect a person's mental state before and after their scenes. A commonly reported "relaxing" experience for submissive practitioners is that of "subspace," an altered state of consciousness accompanied by feelings of peacefulness and time distortion, comparable to a runner's high. Similarly, dominants reported a "topspace," an endorphin-filled exhilaration accompanied by heightened feelings of control and accomplishment.

A study conducted last year by Northern Illinois University recruited 14 "switches," or regular BDSM practitioners who enjoy both submissive and dominant roles. After participating in a BDSM scene, the subjects were tested for mental acuity and memory function. The results? Subs experienced a significant reduction in their cognitive scores, suggesting a mental dimming or "altered state" that accompanies BDSM play, particularly when blood rushes away from certain areas of the brain.

"Topspace for me is the ultimate stress-buster — I experience it as a strange combination of total tranquility, incredible focus, and a brain rush of power because it's that one place in the real world where I am completely in control," Gloria Brame, a sex therapist specializing in BDSM and author of Sex for Grown-Ups, told Mic.

That foggy, relaxing feeling is likely due to hormonal changes. A 2008 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior took saliva samples from participants engaging in BDSM play to measure their stress levels before, during and after play. Both subs and doms had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol after scenes than before. The most surprising finding was that even during a particularly physically stressful BDSM scene, subs still reported low psychological stress.

"All of these effects — reductions in stress, increases in intimacy and the facilitation of pleasurable altered states of consciousness — point to the positive impact that BDSM activities can have on relationships," wrote Brad Sagarin, lead researcher of the study, in the Guardian Monday. "What makes this arrangement work is sexual gift-giving, the willingness of each person to provide for their partner the acts that turn their partner on."

More and more people are feeling the benefit. Importantly, if you're not already kink-inclined in the bedroom, chances are BDSM scenes won't have that same relaxing effect on you (so don't skip the yoga mat and head for the ropes just yet). BDSM activities themselves aren't the source of calm and stress relief; rather it's the personalities of individuals who are drawn to BDSM communities. As Brame explained to Mic, BDSM practitioners are "wired this way."

But more people are wired that way than we think. With the upcoming release of the 50 Shades of Grey film and the imminent arrival of Valentine's Day (definitely not a coincidence), the mainstream cultural conversation surrounding kinky sex has reached an all-time high. For good reason: Past studies have shown that more than half of all men and women (64.6% female and 53.3% male) has fantasized about being dominated sexually.

Additionally, researchers at the Kinsey Institute have estimated that 5% to 10% of the U.S. population has engaged in some form of sadomasochism for sexual pleasure on at least one occasion. What was once categorized as a "psychopathological" behavior in the science world and seen as taboo by society at large is actually a commonplace sexual activity that has many healthy and happy participants.

It's all about creating a safe space. It's no wonder that some practitioners report feeling relaxed both after scenes and within their romantic relationships — it's a community that has lived by the three main tenets of being "safe, sane and consensual" for years. The foundations of the BDSM community, such as safewords, aftercare and constant communication, lend themselves to secure, mutually satisfying experiences that often bring couples closer together.

"Because doing BDSM means communicating with your partner, usually at an intense level because you are negotiating guidelines and discussing fantasies in depth, it gives you a greater sense of trust in your partner, and that leads to a greater sense of intimacy with them, and that, ultimately, is very psychologically balancing," Brame told Mic.

To truly comprehend these extra psychological benefits is to understand that BDSM is something positive for those who practice it. It's not merely a sexual act; according to fetish sex expert and therapist Galen Fous, for some percentage of the population, BDSM practice "is a lifelong, inherent, innate sexual identity, on the same level that straight, bi, gay or lesbian is an authentic sexual identity," he told Mic. In other words, it's a behavior and identity that brings meaning and fulfillment for those who practice it.

What's healthier than that?

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domenica 8 dicembre 2019

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venerdì 6 dicembre 2019

C is for Caged – Part 2

Colby hung up the phone wondering how in the hell he was going to manage an orgasm. He opened the drawer next to the bed that held Corrine’s sex toys. He found a big dildo and tossed it on the bed. That would be no help. Then he found nipple clamps. Nope. A flogger. Ben Wa Balls. Clit clamp. Fuck. None of those things would be helpful.

Finally, he hit the jackpot. He found a small vibrator that was soft and squishy. It was designed to work on a clit, but it might do it. He pulled it out and checked that it worked. It did. He lay back against the pillows and spread his legs wide. He could feel his cock pressing hard against the cage already, and he knew that this was going to be painful. But he also knew the consequences of failing.

Pressing the vibrator against the base of his cock, he felt the whole cage vibrate. It was a different sensation than he was used to, but it felt good. In fact, it felt so good that he could feel his orgasm building quickly. Without meaning to, he started bucking his hips. He groaned loudly as hot cum came shooting out and covering parts of the cage and his fingers. He quickly snapped a picture with his phone and texted it to Corrine.

“Very good,” she said in reply. Then she texted him a restaurant and time.

He got himself cleaned up as best he could in the cage and was waiting for her ten minutes before the appointed time. He watched her pull into the lot and gingerly got out of his car. His cock was sore from pressing against the cage, and the orgasm had not left him feeling relieved at all.

Colby watched her carefully so that he was standing next to her door when she put the car in park. As soon as the door unlocked, he opened it for her.

She smiled up at him, sliding her sunglasses off. “Thank you, dear,” she said sweetly. Too sweetly.

He attempted a smile that came out more like a grimace and stood back so she could exit the car. He closed the door for her, and she slipped her arms around him in a hug, pressing her body against his so that she could feel the cage. He moaned involuntarily.

“You’re such a good boy,” she whispered in his ear. “I liked seeing that picture.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he whispered back.

“Shall we?” she asked, pulling back as though she hadn’t just given him another raging hard on within his confines.

He whimpered but nodded. They held hands as they walked into the restaurant. It wasn’t busy, and they got a table right away. Sitting down, she made chit-chat about work while he sat uncomfortably, wondering if Corrine was going to give him the key to the cage. She hadn’t promised she would, which he realized was a mistake on his part. He should have made that part of the deal, but he had suspected she wouldn’t be negotiated with.

When they had finished their lunch, he paid the check and walked her to her car. He held the door open, and she slid inside. He couldn’t believe how nervous he felt. He didn’t know how to bring it up. With the door open wide, he stood as close to the car as he could get. She was just eye level with his cock.

“What?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“Ma’am,” he cleared his throat and swallowed hard, “would you please give me the key?”

She grinned. “Why should I?”

“I did everything you asked, Ma’am.”

“Of course you did. I expected you to.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he said, and his eyes dropped to the ground, defeated. He knew he wasn’t getting out of the cage today.

“Good boy,” she said. He had to take a step back as she got back out of the car. She rubbed her body up against his and kissed him deeply. His arms went around her automatically, and he held her tight against him. He couldn’t help but whimper into her mouth as their hot kiss further wound him up.

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he felt something slide into his pocket. “You may unlock yourself when you get home,” she said. “You were a very good boy.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he said, this time with utter relief. Only a little longer and he would be free!

“But first,” she said, and he had to stop himself from moaning, “I need you to run a few errands for me.” She pulled a folded note out of her pocket and handed it to him. “Good luck!” she said.

He watched her drive away and then pulled out the note. He. Was. Screwed.

lunedì 2 dicembre 2019

7 Sex Tips From Professional Dominatrixes

Bedroom advice from the pros.

Want to dominate between the sheets?We’re here to help. Below, we asked professional dominatrixes to share their best, most accessible advice for long-time couples who want to step up
their game in the bedroom. No whips required!

“When I begin work with couples, my first suggestion is that they plan a date where the only outcome is creating a shared sex wish list. To make it easy, try creating three columns: Green, yellow and red zones. Green would be anything you’re dying to try, yellow is for things you’re on the fence about and want to discuss further and red (which is a great safe word, by the way) is always ‘hell, no!’

Once a couple can see what their beginning menu options are, they can begin a thoughtful dialogue toward consent and experimenting. And don’t be surprised if one day your red items become green!” ― Hudsy Hawn, a professional dominatrix, BDSM educator and couples coach in Los Angeles

“Try having some intimate time together without ending it in an orgasm. Flirt, make out, dirty talk ― maybe you stimulate each others’ genitals a little, maybe you completely avoid it. Play with sexual arousal, get super horny together, but no orgasming! Talk about what you liked and didn’t like afterwards with your partner ― you may learn something new about yourselves.

So much of our sexual lives is determined by a drive towards orgasm. A lot of BDSM is what happens when you stop making orgasms the sole or primary purpose of being sexual. It’s about experimenting and pushing the boundaries of your mental turn-ons and physical responses. When you intentionally remove orgasm as the target, it forces you to open up your idea of what sexual interaction is all about and start exploring that newfound space.” ― Mistress Iris, professional dominatrix in Los Angeles

“Communication is one of the most important things to me. It promotes trust and safety, which is key in any relationship. I find it very sexy to be able to talk about my desires, needs, and boundaries, and even hotter to know these things about my partners. In the bedroom with your partner, break the ice with some predetermined questions or even a sex game of some kind.” ― Mistress Velvet, a professional dominatrix in Chicago

“When you can consciously and consensually participate in your fantasies, it can bring you closer in connectivity. It’s important to not shame your partner for their fantasy, even if it isn’t something you want to participate in. And sometimes, it’s enough to just talk about them and never actualize them. If you decide to go forth and actualize a fantasy, be really clear with your partner about what turns you on about it, how you would like it to unfold and what you might need after. If it doesn’t work out exactly the way you wanted or expected it to, talk through it as a couple. But typically, exploring your fantasies with your partner just leads to wildly hot encounters that bring you even closer. For beginners, I always recommend this concise kink worksheet to get the conversation started.” ― Mistress Justine Cross, a professional dominatrix, dungeon owner and BDSM consultant based in Los Angeles

“Maybe you and your partner find the idea of being ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’ sexy and want to start experimenting together. Maybe you have a picture in your head of what that role is supposed to be or you’ve begun with a bit of digging around online. It’s good to do some research and read up on what others do for both safety reasons and starter ideas, but this can also be a bit of a trap. Try not to get too attached to the definitions you read. In the same way that not all sex should resemble porn, neither should all BDSM resemble kink porn. At the end of the day, you are not performing for the world; it’s just about what makes you and your partner feel good and excited. Maybe you like being mischievously in control but don’t feel completely comfortable playing the stern or aggressive dominant role. Maybe you’re a submissive who likes to get aggressive back. Maybe you want to be a switch (someone who likes to top and bottom). Be introspective about what turns you on and don’t get to too hung up about what you think you’re supposed to do in order to fit the role.” ― Mistress Iris

“Use sex toys to add a little kink to your next dinner date or visit to your favorite bar. A remote-controlled vibrator inserted in or placed on his or her nether regions can be a great way to command the attention of your partner from across the room or table. Watch with glee as your partner attempts to order your martinis while being greeted with those vibrations controlled by you. It’s both awkward and challenging, but oh so much fun for you to watch!” ― Mistress Georgia Payne, a professional dominatrix in Los Angeles and the co-author of How to Be a Dominant Diva

“Find the courage to hold and maintain eye contact. Nothing exposes you more than locking eyes and seeing what comes up. You’ll be surprised how much more intimate your connection will become just be allowing yourselves to be vulnerable. Controlling your partner by holding a fistful of hair is much more effective when staring deeply into their eyes and doing it slowly, properly and carefully. The more deliberate and attentive you are toward one another, the better your shared experience will be. Take some time to explore your bodies through touch and eye contact. Sometimes the best sex is when there’s no genital sex at all. Screw them with your eyes and your mind!” ― Hudsy Hawn

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