The first rule is, mistresses and dominatrices don’t just grow on trees, you have to make yourself an attractive option. Whether you want to be a submissive as part of a relationship, or you’re just seeking relief, it’s important to understand that ‘I’ll do anything you want’ is something we hear everyday, especially from men. First of all, decide on what it is you’re looking for. If you want something based around your needs, your desires and your schedule, then I’d recommend putting your money where your libido is and paying for a dominatrix. As a mistress, I expect to be in command all the time. I expect you to be at my beck and call, it certainly won’t work the other way round. So, I’ve put together a handy guide on how you can approach a prospective dominant without coming across as a complete dick.
‘Hello, mistress’ is not an opening line.
My Fetlife account, and even some of my dating apps, have a tonne of one-line messages like this. I’m not your mistress, and neither do I want to be when you’ve started with the BDSM equivalent of ‘hey, babe’.
Don’t top from the bottom.
Don’t start with a list of stuff you want to try. While that might come in handy later down the line, I’m more interested in hearing about you as a human. Also, if you’re only going to be available for the things you want to do, on the days you want to do it, this isn’t going to work.
Be more than just a submissive or slave.
Unfortunately, too many submissive men think just by saying they’ll do what I want, I’ll want them to do it. However, my joy comes from being in control of another human who has made themselves an attractive prospect, not a doormat. We’re picky bitches, and we want to see you have a interesting life outside of kink.
Don’t be ‘shy’
As soon as someone starts saying ‘I’d love to do more, but I’m shy’ I switch off. Nope, not for me. I want someone who has the confidence, passion and desire to really start experimenting. I’m sorry you’re shy, but no one bursts into their first BDSM munch or meet-up like Lord Flashheart. We all started somewhere, so you can too.
Local munches and meet-ups are a great way to get out and prove you’re willing in person. Unsure of where to go? Here’s a handy guide. Frankly, our default status is to suspect any submissive bloke is just looking to wank off online, so being willing to attend events is a great way to start.
That’s not us, that’s not what we do, that’s never going to happen. Several dominatrices will offer a bespoke video if you’re that keen, but the trash thrown up on free porn sites is literally just there to keep you clicking. The fantasy you see in a five minute clip will never reflect what it’s really like to serve someone, so stop trying to compare. We’re human, we’re vulnerable and we’re more than just a kink.